"Father time is undefeated,someday he is going to get us all…"
Dateline: America's Fields & Streams (mainly Streams)
According to the U.S. Department of Fishing, their numbers not mine, according to the fishing feds 22.3 million prostates…fish.
More on them…20% of all prostates older than 16…fish.
The National Cancer Institute says that 17% of prostates in America will get cancer in their lifetime.
If the above numbers are true, here's a very sobering thought…3,791,000…almost 4 million anglers…4 MILLION…will get prostate cancer in their lifetime.
And of those, Prostate Cancer will take the lives of 113,730 brother anglers.
That number would wipe out the entire population of the city of Springfield, Illinois.
Whether they fish, or not.
"…he knows my name and he's got my number…"
I have Prostate Cancer.
I have no intention of becoming a Prostate Poster Dude for the disease.
But I will not run from it.
I will not hide from it.
And I absolutely will not HIPAA it, I won't because I think that the privacy, is killing us.
So, I'm taking my private parts…public.
I'm doing it because, I'm an idiot.
I don't go to doctors.
I once stood up from the recliner, walked into the kitchen to get another donut…and passed out.
Right there on the kitchen floor…Blam…my legs intertwined with the legs of the kitchen island stool, glass of milk all over my face, donut rolling into the family room.
Good donut too.
So I'm 50-something probably well on my way to old guy disease, and I'm on the floor waking up not quite dead and I do this…
Don't even bother going to the hospital until 3 DAYS later.
My E.R. conversation:
"Mr. Barone why are you here in Emergency."
"I fainted, woke up almost dead on the kitchen floor with a donut rolling into the family room."
"When did this happen."
"Mr. Barone today is Friday…are you saying you fainted three days ago and are only coming in now."
"Yep…my wife made me."That's when the nurse checked the idiot box on my HIPAA form.
And she would be right.
"…but until I get that call,I'm still here…"
Get off your butt, and have your butt checked out.
It may seem like it takes about a month to complete that prostate exam, but trust me, it's only a few seconds of rooting around in the seat of your wisdom.
Word of advice…you will be forever thankful if you pick a very good Urologist…a Board Certified genius…with small hands. Pay attention when you shake hands.
This is what it will take to save your life…a finger up your butt for a few seconds, and a tiny needle in your arm to draw off a couple vials of your blood.
We're talking maybe an hour or two tops. Do this, when you renew your fishing license every year, that same day, go get a physical, get your prostate checked.
A yearly exam WILL save your life.
Do it when you renewal.
I did it that way, sort of, whenever I had to renew my driver's License I scheduled my annual physical.
Every five years I had my annual physical.
My doctor moved TWICE on me one time between my annual five year physical.
One physical he told me how well his son was playing high school varsity baseball.
The next physical he invited me to his son's graduation party…college graduation party.
Had my annual physicals actually been annual I probably wouldn't be ordering Men's DEPENDS from Amazon.com today.
"…I made it through another day,I'm still here…"
True story, on the day I found out I had Prostate Cancer the government of the U.S. of A. comes out with some sort of report that says something to the effect that PSA tests are a waste of money.
It was a PSA test, a simple blood test, that found my cancer.
I may be alive because of that test.
The test cost on average about $40-bucks.
Feds say that's a waste of money.
Same feds who pay $177.50 per hammer for the Pentagon.
Same feds who pay $600 per toilet seat for NASA.
Same feds who pay, through the State Department, about $500,000 PER State Dinner held at The White House, as estimated by Foreign Policy Magazine.
Hey Prez…cut out a half a million dollar dinner or two…pay for a bunch of PSA tests…help your waistline too.
You want to balance the budget, buy your toilet seats at Home Depot like the rest of us, they've got nice ones for $24.97, got hammers for $19-bucks.
Balance the budget in hardware, not in my prostate.
"…that's more than some can say, when I feel down I don't shed a tear…"
I, like you, am new to this prostate thing, in fact I even asked the doc once if it was my right or left prostate.
I had no clue as to where it was located or what I needed it for.
I was surprised to find out there wasn't some sort of Prostate Replacement Surgery.
I figure if there isn't a telethon on TV about it, no need to worry about it. If you have a telethon disease, that's when you worry, if not…hey.There are lots of ways to deal with prostate cancer, google it you'll see everything from doing nothing, to radiation, to taking the thing out and grinding it up.
A couple days ago I went with radiation…radioactive seeds, almost 70 or so, placed all around the prostate.
For the next 90 days, the half-life of the seeds, I'm supposed to keep my distance from little kids, pregnant women, women who might become pregnant (which to me means any woman on the planet who hasn't hit menopause), no small dogs or cats in my lap either.
I'm not a cat loving kind of guy so if some tabby falls into my lap…so be it, one less outdoor cat to deal with.
The procedure took about an hour or so, I wasn't there, technically I was but they rocked you with some juice that sends you to Mars and back. I counted back from 100 to almost 99 before I was out.
The procedure sounds painful, they get you in a position where they take some real long needle things and shoot them up what I kept calling my Per-Diem, but what my doc prefers to call my Perineum.
If your doc says they are going to shoot you up through your Per-Diem…leave.
My Peri-Diem-Neum looks pretty bruised when I borrowed Barb's makeup mirror to look at it, the mirror now in the bathroom waste basket, but to be honest, it doesn't hurt.
I was sent home with a catheter still in my catheter-able private part, and directions on how to take it out. Cut here on this mark, pull here.
Again, not painful.
But a certain come to Jesus moment.
For a while after the procedure you will have leakage/drainage issues going on. Nothing puddle like, just enough of the stuff to make the dog start smelling your leg.
Our dog hasn't marked me yet, so it's bearable.
For the past couple of days I've been waddling around the house in a diaper thing. Had it on backwards most of the time, and it didn't seem to matter much.A Tip…if you know everyone who works in your local CVS and there ain't no way your going in there to buy diapers, big ole man arse diapers, do what I just did…AMAZON it.
Now I'm not saying you are going to be in diapers the rest of your life, but you might want to have some handy until at least the dog stops sniffing you.
Listen dudes, I'm as big a baby as you are when it comes to needles, hospital robes with open backs, nurses with cold hands, hospital food, but I survived all this and you will too.
What you won't survive is not getting your prostate checked.
I'm going to be honest with you…if it was me alone I wouldn't have done a thing about it. Nothing. I don't have a death-wish, I don't have a life-wish, I just have an is-wish…it is what it is thing.
But I have a wife I love.
I have children I love.
My wife has a dog I mostly love.
I did it for them.
Man up, not for yourself, man up for them.
No one should die from this disease.
A simple annual check-up when you renew your fishing license could save your life.
You'll be able to pass on your love of fishing for a long time…
…if you don't pass on the prostate exam.
"…I say glory hallelujah thank you Jesus,praise the Lord I'm still here."I'm Still HerePaul Thorn
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